I am either too much Woman or not nearly enough. been one of those days when I can’t connect to it quite like I want to, when the joy that is supposed to be there is trampled on by that stupid Outside World that knows so little about what the aspirations can be and only embodies some entirely dehumanizing standard instead. I somehow feel I can regret being a woman because it feels frustrating and impossible to demand to be treated like a person. my mother always said to not let Them see who I am but I have run out of argument with my self in opposition to that somewhere along the line as I barreled down my twenties. I keep hoping to feel around enough to find some lightswitch in the darkness because it doesn’t make sense to me, none of it does. it is so hard for me to be informed and be a woman, so hard to be a woman who feels worthy, who feels it is okay to be knowing when this world doesn’t accept it. it seems like some cruel fate to be forced to accept others’ bullshit ideas of equality to the point that society requires. I feel used for my body and ignored for it and I feel punished for eve’s myth that in itself lacks the beauty, the vision and the ultimate power of any artists imagination. and I don’t know how the whole universe can’t see that, how all of life doesn’t strain and revolt against it. I don’t know why I don’t revolt against it more than the small ways I do. I don’t know what to do or how to accept what I feel or to see far enough past others’ misconceptions that I am not blinded by them myself.
-Monique Wittig
